A short bucket list of items to complete over the summer
Finn Wagner
Staff Writer
May 23, 2024
With just a week remaining of school, all of our minds are distant and wandering to every place outside of the school’s walls. If school broke you down, summer is the perfect opportunity to recharge, and with the list I am about to give you, you can get the best rest of your life this upcoming summer.
Sleep all-day
Sleepytime - this could be you! You’ve worked hard so far, get some of that rest you desperately deserve.
Just like a cell phone drained by eight hours of TikTok scrolling needs a bit more charge, you do too. Sleeping all day is the perfect solution to this problem. Studies have shown (no they haven’t) that there is no optimal level of sleep, meaning the more, the merrier. During the summer, I tend to sleep anywhere from 15 to 17 hours a day. Then, I spend the rest of the time scrolling through brain-rottingly cringe Instagram reels.
One of the largest benefits of “oversleeping” is that you can dream any dream you want. No longer must you strain your eyes by reading the lines written by old dead guys who probably held biases that would make the average person’s tummy rumble. You can finally get that partner you were too afraid to talk to all year, and you won’t even have to actually improve yourself! Bonus! I would dedicate the first month of the break to this difficult feat, but right when you finish, the next challenge will surely use that stored-up energy and will clear that lactic acid that has built up right out of your system.
Make a mukbang YouTube channel
Sleep sure does create an appetite, so I would like to challenge everyone to create a YouTube video capturing all you eat over the summer. Don’t do it just for the challenge though, mukbanging is a very lucrative business, with several channels on YouTube having millions of subscribers just from eating in front of a camera! As you approach your channel’s creation, it is important to decide which sector of the mukbang-tube sphere you want to be on.
On YouTube, you have so many different types of people who mukbang, but the two big groups are going to be your calorie challenge people—people who, as the name suggests, just eat as many calories as humanly possible. Matt Stonie, among many others, creates this type of content. I will recommend being safe while attempting this challenge because as with anything, overconsumption is extremely dangerous.
The second type of mukbang-tuber is your Nikocado Avocado type, which I would argue is a much more dangerous path to take. In this sector, you specifically focus on making appetizing food look as unappetizing as possible. This is typically accomplished by eating as fast or as messy a human is capable of.
No matter which side of mukbang-tube you choose, know the choice is worth it as long as you make a quick buck.
Join a cult
CULTivate a new personality - joining a group with many other people will allow you to grow as a person and flourish with the people around you.
With all this extra free time, a cult is the perfect outlet to blow off some steam. A cult allows you to be part of a group, so in a way it is just like school. To me, at least, movies like Midsommar really make me want to join one. The pretty scenery and fruit punch seem delectable. And there truly is no better way to facilitate self-improvement than to surrender yourself to someone you deem most worthy. Side note, cults are freaking awesome. Especially the ones that wear robes.
The Wonka movie that came out, I think at least, was glorifying the conspiracy theories about the Catholic church, because having Mr. Bean as a cult’s headmaster makes it like 10 points cooler, at the very least.
Cults often get painted in a negative light, which I understand for the most part, but my cult is different. If you want to join, please do, I am greatly underserved, and it will cost you just $25 bucks a month! (Please, I take Venmo or Ca$happ.)
Fly standby around the world
On a serious note, obtaining a passport and taking a trip around the world will allow all of the world’s best vibes to seep through your skin and blossom into flowers of hope for the next school year and it may be the best way to spend your year. Some challenges for anyone up for it: Take a picture with a statue on each continent, catch one Pokemon from Pokemon Go on each continent, or visit each fallen monarch’s statue in the United Kingdom!
Any of these items will surely make your break one to remember. Make sure, although, when you go to the airport, you bring a friend named Jack. Then, scream “Hi, Jack! I’ve missed you,” right when you get on the plane.
Because you will most definitely be in jail, that seems like the beautiful place to end our bucket list. I, and all the other members of The Layers wish you luck as you try to navigate summer’s super long days.